As my own lawyer I advise you to retract two of the whoppers and one of the minor fictionalizations.
–or–
Oh, what a !Tangled hamper.

Joe Haldeman is not dead. Joe Haldeman’s wife was not in “Playboy” this May but in September of 1967. I am not in possession of any such medical records alluding to Joe Haldeman being repeatedly anally probed by vacationing extraterrestrials who refer to Earth as Club Med: Hedonism MMX.

These particular side-effects of cyclobenzaprine are apparently well known to occur in a small percentage of patients and are followed by psychosis akin to that caused by fungally tainted rye.

I’ll be under observation for a few days; or longer, they say, if I refuse to recant on the !Hamper. Why not just get it over with and sue the freakin’ Khoikhoi, Joe? Don’t wait up.